When we began the school year, we started by building a deep understanding of E’s learning preferences, information delivery styles, and discussions about what methods work for him and what makes things more challenging. I wanted Chestnut Ridge Academy to be a place for him to feel safe to explore learning in the way that fills him with excitement. I wanted him to trust that we were a team and together we were collaborating on defining his learning journey. I wanted him to feel a sense of ownership at CRA.

Early in our discussions, we talked about how difficult it is for E to get started with school but once he engages, he is typically happy. He explained that he hates the feeling of being forced to do things that he does not like and that he avoids school as a result. Thinking back on his school history, one element of learning that has traditionally been difficult for E is the sense that he has no control. Historically, he’s been forced to do repetitive work that he long ago surpassed. As an example, he spent an entire year in a PreK 3s program with a teacher who did not realize he could spell his own name until the end of the year. In reality, he had been verbally reading since before the age of 2! Yet, in her class, she forced him to learn every letter of the alphabet and to participate in repetitive name recognition crafts. Being the respectful soul that he has always been, he did as asked but never had the nerve to tell her that “I know how to do that!” He was bored and dreaded going to school every day where he would be forced to participate in activities that were not engaging. This is only one example of such incidents as his school history is filled with similar stories. Ultimately, this has created a point of trauma that makes him avoidant of the start of a school day. Because of this, I wanted to establish with E that he does have some control in the school day and even in the topics of learning. But, after years of feeling at a loss of control, establishing that trust with a new teacher (even if it is mom) does not come easily!

To begin establishing trust, I introduced the “conceptual plan” for each week. On Mondays, which are traditionally the most challenging days, he begins his CRA time by reading the week’s plan. It starts with a short introduction about the week with a high level summary that includes words explaining the most appealing aspects of our plan. I then provide a list of Goals, Resources, and Deliverables. With everything prepped for the week, I can feel confident enough for E to make the choice on where we start.

Very often, E’s first choice is whatever item involves going outside. At this point developmentally, E senses his anxiety and leverages coping strategies that work for him when he can. Nature is the ultimate regulation source for him so on Monday’s, he usually begins with “Lets take school outside!” While we do engage in learning activities outside, I first honor his need to feel safe. I do this by not pushing an agenda of my own. Instead, I allow myself to embrace the words of my mentor Dr. Susan Baum who regularly states, “These kids need the gift of time.” One can interpret this statement with both a long and a short term viewpoints. But, on Mondays, I think short term and engage fully with him outdoors. We go for a walk, we talk about the trees, we notice the mushrooms that have emerged over night, we listen to the sounds of nature around us. Together, we start our day with nature. We hold hands. We laugh. We find the thing that makes his eye sparkle. And yes, while we’re outside, we do talk about school topics… but only after that sparkle has been captured because then, he engages without hesitation. With the extra time I give him to reach this point, we are able to have productive school days.

I encourage all teachers to keep top of mind Dr. Baum’s, “no grandma rules!” Meaning, don’t withhold the student’s interests and favored activities as a reward for a job well done. Instead, allow students to embrace those activities just as we want them to embrace the hard work. When they feel heard and respected, you will get the best of the student.

So, I build the conceptual plans every week. Some may think it is pointless because I do not follow them. The conceptual plan is not a lesson plan. Most weeks, I feel I can not possibly have enough items on the list to fill our days but in the end, I find that I had more than enough. It very rarely gets completed in full. Instead, it is yet another tool for establishing engagement. It is a critical tool at CRA. It is a conceptual guide for how our week will unfold. It is a starting point. As needs arise or plans change, we deviate from the conceptual plan and embrace the reality of being a homeschool family.

At every moment, I keep in mind my priorities for E this year which centers around his self-regulation, self-advocacy, and psychosocial skills. I never miss an opportunity to teach E about the inner workings of his mind and body or to build up his confidence in his creative gifts in the very moment the opportunities present themselves. I allow curriculum to be trumped by these priorities knowing that they are most effectively facilitated in real time with a teacher he trusts.

With the gift of time, curriculum goals can be met later. E is smart, he will embrace curriculum but “smart” is only one element to success in the world in which he is growing. It is the skills that typical schools can not teach that will build the confidence for him to create and innovate, the leadership skills to inspire and motivate those on his team, and the resilience to try again when life doesn’t go as planned. If I lay the foundation for these skills and encourage him to embrace his natural creative spirit… I will have given him the greatest gift.