The Christmas morning was unlike any we’ve experienced with E. I woke up with the sunrise, fully expecting him to run in singing “Its Christmas” like he has for the past few years. But, I had time to get dressed… and put on makeup… and even get back into bed. I waited. And, I waited.

When he finally awoke, he didn’t run downstairs to see what was under the tree. He didn’t come in singing. He tiptoed into our room, climbed into bed to snuggle and turned on the tv to watch a Christmas movie! This is the same person who had so much apprehension that he could not stand to be by himself for the last 25 days. It is also the same person who refused to watch a Christmas movie for 8 years, until a few days earlier. But, today, on Christmas morning, he sat in bed not wanting to go downstairs. Almost, avoiding going downstairs!? We embraced this change and gave him the time he needed to enjoy Christmas on his terms. I served him breakfast in bed… the Christmas movie ended and we turned on a font documentary. Jojo impatiently begged him to hurry. But, he did not. When the movie ended, he asked for us to lounge on the deck to bathe in the unseasonably warm morning sun.

Finally, he was ready to face all that was Christmas. I am still not sure if this was him being afraid of Christmas being over…. he has had a lot of anxiety around the finality of things this season (always resurfaces when highly anxious). But, in his own time, he was ready. We tiptoed downstairs and let him explore the presents. His very first present was the one accessory he had been longing for - a charger. From that point forward, he was ready to plow through the presents.

I was quite surprised by his reaction to many of the presents. He seemed frustrated about the presents related to science experiments I felt he would enjoy. He became angry about the latest digital music creation tool he could use his iPad to create custom GarageBand tracks — something he has loved doing for months manually. He completely ignored the portable photo printer that was intended to give him the power to create artwork for the home from his new iPhone photo captures. I could not understand what was happening.

We took a break from presents and enjoyed some time for lunch and a lovely visit from my parents. He enjoyed finally being able to see Papa and Nana in person. He showed them his new iPhone, explained all the great features, and joked with my dad about not trading for his old iPhone! It was a lovely, sweet, and meaningful visit. He stated, “it is so special that papa and nana are here today!”

By the end of the day, he shared his favorite items from Christmas: a font book for his own design library, a sustainable wood comb for his hair, a refillable high quality pen. And, the one surprise we had for him directly related to mobile tech - a Pixel 6 phone.

Christmas Redesign

The day after Christmas, we talked about all of our feelings on how the day went and decided it was time to make some changes around Christmas since we are not practicing a specific religious practice, not concerned about Santa, and don’t feel the need for lots of presents just to unwrap. Next year we will:

• Have one item that was highly asked for and strongly desired (such as the iPhone this year)

• Have an experience item (something we do together as a family like Figure8 was for his birthday)

• Have something he needs

• Have something he reads

As a result, we will have much fewer presents to open. Christmas will be about enjoying our time together as a family and hopefully with our loved ones rather than about opening presents all day. Seeing E enjoy the visit from Papa and Nana more than the opening of presents himself… and witnessing her cry about the necklace she was overjoyed to have been given by him… was exactly what we all needed this Christmas.

In addition, starting in January, E will have a “happy day fund” which will be funded with half of his annual Christmas money. The idea is that he can choose what is important enough to spend his money on and is not bound to a holiday. Instead, if it is something he truly needs for himself, he can buy it on his timeline. Our hope is that this gives the Christmas holiday less power for him… and gives him more control of his own happiness. We will provide him with the funds in an investment account so he can simultaneously experiences the growth and decline of investments! If he has not spent the money by Christmas time, we will discuss if the money is to be put towards a Christmas item. (we need to see how this plays out a bit first!)